Insight: How We Got Started

It was in October of 1982 that Dee and I met and started falling in love. I was 24 to her 19 then. She broke off her engagement with the guy back home a few days after she and I started fooling around together, but was emotionally wasted and wasn't ready to go all the way with me yet. As we grew closer we enjoyed masturbating each other on the bed in her dorm. It was during one of those sessions that Dee asked me about my past sexual experiences. I told her the things I had done with other girls, and then asked her about her past. Stroking my cock slowly, Dee started telling me about what she'd done with other guys and I experienced a degree of sexual excitement that I'd never felt before, not even when I'd been taking my sister's best friend's virginity and giving her mine. Somehow the thoughts of Dee nude with other men and having their cocks inside her blew me away. Although I'd never have been able to share her then because I was a jealous kid, the concept of her being sexually active with other men was the seed of the fantasizing and then the eventual reality which would come twenty years later.

While stroking my cock in her dorm room, Dee told me about the sex she'd had with other men including the loss of her virginity to an older, married man. That planted the seed of my fascination of the concept of her doing other guys.

In 1996 I got online and began searching out the rich variety of sex related sites. It was a major epiphany when I found first the nude amateur newsgroups, then later the websites. For years I'd lusted for the young, hot chickies in men's magazines and had spent much time alone jacking off to their pictures, but never had my dick responded to them as it did when I saw married ladies baring their all. Eventually I got into stories and pictorials of married women having extramarital sex, and the earlier seeds of fantasizing about Dee doing just that began to sprout. For six years thereafter it just got hotter every time I imagined Dee slipping down her panties and opening her legs for another man's cock, but I knew it would never happen. After the birth of our elder daughter Dee's sex drive took a nosedive and she barely tolerated sex with me as infrequently as she could manage to put me off.

Finding websites in which married women appeared nude and sexually active with men other than their husbands excited me beyond measure.

It was early in 2002 that Dee decided to have her tubes tied. She was approaching 40 and was concerned about taking birth control pills into middle age. Although her regular gynecologist is female, she doesn't perform the procedure and instead referred Dee to a male OB/GYN. I accompanied Dee to her initial appointment with him and was surprised that I was welcomed to join her in the exam room. We spent a lot of time with the P.A. going over Dee's medical history, then Dee was told to strip down and to don the gown for the exam. I folded Dee's clothes and held them on my lap as we waited for the doctor, both of us assuming that I'd be asked to leave the room before the actual exam. The doctor arrived and we chatted some more. He wanted to be certain that both of us really wanted Dee to have the ligation. He asked Dee when her last breast exam had been, and when she said she didn't remember he said that he'd do one. I'm surprised that the beating of my heart wasn't audible as he drew the top of the gown down to reveal Dee's breasts and began palpating them in front of me, running his fingers from the edges toward her nipples which were quite stiff. We were still conversing with him and at one point, with his fingers perched atop Dee's hard right nipple, he turned to talk to me, keeping his fingers right there. If not for Dee's clothes on my lap I'm sure I'd have pitched an admirable tent in my pants because my cock was as hard as steel. Covering Dee's breasts, the doctor moved to the bottom of the table and guided Dee's feet into the stirrups. Slipping on gloves and lubing up the right one, the doctor positioned himself between Dee's legs and slipped his fingers straight up into her vagina. With his other hand on her mons he began probing her inside and out all in full view of me. The sprout of the fantasy was now in full bloom and I was convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that I wanted to see Dee have sex with another man.

Though in a clinical setting, seeing another man's hands on Dee's breasts and his fingers in her vagina aroused me tremendously.

It was Spring of 2002. For years I'd done e-mail and chatted with people and had made many close online friends. Dee was still getting her feet wet with being online, and I kind of felt sorry for her not having the rich interaction with other people that I knew was a lot of fun. I created an "alter ego" for myself, one Mr. Camden Holst, made him a Yahoo mail account, and wrote to Dee out of the blue telling her that I'd chanced upon her embroidery website and thought that the person behind the designs must be quite interesting. I offered her a chance to develop an online friendship with "him"; at first she was extremely wary and cautious, but in time I drew her out and we began exchanging daily, friendly mails. Although it had not been my intention to move our writings in a sexual direction, eventually they went there playfully at first, and then later explicitly. My wife who hated sex was now sharing steamy fantasies and details of her sexuality with this "stranger."

My alter ego, Camden Holst, and Dee entered a world of highly erotic e-mails which made her desire him.

The mails continued into the Summer when Dee was scheduled to visit our family doctor with her usual list of complaints. She was tired all the time, didn't have much ambition, suffered with infrequent insomnia, and felt down all the time. Our doctor listened, suggested that Dee might be depressed, and gave her some samples of an antidepressant - Celexa. From the very first pill, despite it being the exact opposite of the usual effect of an antidepressant on libido, Dee's sexuality exploded. Her mails to Camden became much more graphic, and we were having sex like we'd never had it before. Dee was being imaginative, inventive, and doing things she's refused to do or did grudgingly in the past with gusto. A week or so later she confessed to me and showed me the mails she'd been exchanging with Camden, and I in turned admitted that I was he. While I'd feared that someday that admission would be my downfall, instead it was a saving moment in our marriage. She loved me for giving her the excitement that I had.

Celexa, an antidepressant, changed Dee's personality entirely From being miserable to being happy, and from having no use for sex to being highly charged sexually.

Another week or so passed and our sex was astounding, yet whenever Dee went to the computer I felt bad because the former excitement of the mails she and "Camden" had been exchanging was no longer there for her. I suggested that I post a few nude pictures of her in one of the amateur posting forums along with an invitation for men to write to her, hoping she'd make another friend like he had been. She balked for a day or two and then assented. I posted some pics of her in all her glory with the invitation, but at this point I knew that she'd seriously thought about making love to Camden. With that first post, I sent the same pictures I'd posted in a mail to one of my local online friends, Don, whom I knew to be a fine gentleman but very much like I had been in a marriage in which sex wasn't a priority for his wife. I'd met Don, liked him a lot, and trusted him, so along with the pics I told him about Camden's letters and asked him if he'd like to write to Dee in hopes of making love with her. A week and a half later, she was bare in his arms and they made love for the first time!

Dee and Don kissed and engaged in long, slow, delicious foreplay before he entered her for the first time and make her into a shared wife.

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The following is the letter I wrote to Dee when she was at work on that fateful day (July 23, 2002) when we were scheduled to meet with Don around dinner time. I knew she wouldn't read it till the next morning:

My dear, sweet lover of 20 years and darling wife of 19,

It's Tuesday at noon. This is the day. I'm so full of hopes for you to experience joy, happiness, and pleasure in the most intimate way possible, if it's what you want.

I need you to know that whatever happened today or didn't I will not be disappointed. If I went to pick you up and you said, "Just take me home," I'll admire your courage in having even considered meeting with Don, and I'll have brought you home with a smile on my face. If you decided after meeting him that you just can't do anything more than enjoy the fantasies, continue to enjoy them. I'll be happy to see you having fun in whatever way you'd like. If you decided that you knew for sure that you wanted to make love with Don and did so, I hope you saw stars; I'm fairly certain you'll have made him see them. For years I enjoyed my own pleasure with you when you got so little out of it in return because you love me. Now I want you to experience the pleasure you missed out on because I love you.

It's been hard to balance the sense of encouraging you and "pressuring" you. What has appeared to be pressure have been my attempts to assure you without a doubt that you have my full blessing as well as my own eagerness to see you enjoying yourself. Yes, I'd like to witness you making love to another man, but I don't need you to. It's not a compulsion nor an obsession, just a regular fantasy that might or might not (have) come true. I hope I made that clear enough in the days leading up to this for you to be sitting there reading this, wearing that new smile of yours, and being happy with whatever you decided. At the moment I'm deliriously happy being in love with you the way I was when we were kids, and in ways I've never been before. You're amazing. I love you.