Monday, December 26, 2005

Wallowing in Self Pity

I feel like I was cheated out of Christmas with various things that have gone on here since Friday. First was the drive failure and since then the reinstallations of everything I could find to reinstall. There's the nagging realization that there are useful programs that I'm never going to have again. I know I'm going to be much more careful about saving installation disks after this.

On Christmas Eve the upstairs toilet moved an inch across the floor and compromised the wax seal. We haven't been able to use it since. Hopefully it'll be fixed today.

The card reader I got Dee for the digital camera I got her for Christmas simply refused to install.

I had a little oil accident, on a rug no less, with a heavy duty power tool that Dee got me.

This morning, our phones started dialing a weird number any time we took one off hook. No dial tone - just the automatic dialing of some number.

It's been a steady barrage of troublesome things each just compounding the others, and when all is said and done I'm going to need a good cry. Seriously.

With the drive failure I've almost been rethinking my self identity. For over ten years I've more or less made too much of my life revolve around this computer and the things I do on it. It's where I am when I'm not tending to things that I need to do. I've allowed my computer to become an extension of my very self. Maybe I've even made myself an extension of IT.

I'm seeming to think that I spend too much of my life here. That I rely on this box of rushing electrons too damned much.

It's not a tool. It's like something that has taken on a life of its own - and the life that it has it sucks from me like some kind of electronic leech.

I don't know how to balance myself any more. I don't know how to live my life without a computer - without MY computer. I can access e-mail from any of the other machines in the house. I can browse the web from any other computer here. But I need MY computer. In this place. With all of its comfortable familiarity.

I need to divorce myself from my unholy alliance with this device, but I don't know how to begin. I need it to be a tool. Not a friend. Not something I think I'll die without. Any ideas?


Suze said...

Joe, I can well understand how you feel. It's like you have had an arm or leg amputated at the time.

It once happened to us. You just have to say that shit happens and pick yourself up.

As for blogging carry on, you need this as much as we need to read you.

It's a creative part of you, just like it is for me. :)

MikeCindynJoe said...


I'm so sorry to hear of your untimely computer misfortunes (like computer misfortunes could ever be timely).

You asked for ideas about how to allow your computer to be more of a tool instead of a fickle "friend". I too had to make such a choice and by switching to a Mac, I have eliminated all fo the instability and unpredictibly of the Windows platform.

Unless you are a gamer, there are no limitations in software, as I run two different businesses on our Mac workstations.

You may not want to have heard this, but selfishly agreeing with Suze, I don't want you to become so frustrated that you stop posting on your fascinating blog. Please don't.


e.e. said...

Do what I do, sweets. Just simply take a break from it.
I know, I know, easier said than done... Ha. ...listen to me, the one who sometimes needs to blog every freaking day.
But I almost fell to depression again and for once, I thought, if I actually blog, it will make it worse. I needed to deny myself the tool that would actually spread the sickness. So I did.
Shit.. am I making sense?
I guess what I'm saying is this: it's like watching too much fukking t.v.
Shut the damn thing off for a while.
And go play with your wife. ;)

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

Sorry about your misfortunes, Joe.

Will you fix the toilet? I've fixed many of them; man what a pain. I send you my best wishes on that.

Kiss. Hug. Good thoughts.

GeorgeVanna said...


It will get better. Things happen in threes and you have had yours for ten years now.

Mac said...

I can well relate to your feelings about the d*** computer. I know I spend too much time in front of mine. Perhaps we all do. It is a definite part of our lives and probably too much a part. A computer crash is just a terrible headache that most of us have put up with in the past. It never was any fun and never will be. I've thought of going to Macs also but with 5 computer in this house with Windows platforms I certainly don't need to invest in another. So buddy, hang in there. When you find out how to divorce yourself from the thing, let me know.

As far as the toilet goes, we recently had one overflow with about an inch of water all over my wife's office and our kitchen. It only lacked seconds before it would have been on some absolutely, brand new carpet which we recently had installed in our den. Yeah, got that tee shirt also.

Hang in there Joe. We all love you and Dee. Mac