Stats, My Ass!

"You have a really nice looking cock and balls, but you're not my body type."

So read an e-mail that my friend Gary received when he was planning his recent trip here and trying to hook up with a guy or two while visiting. Now I've seen Gary with all of his clothes off - just last year as a matter of fact when we spent a good hour at his hotel room shooting a series of pics of him for him to use in introducing himself to potential sex partners online, and although he's not as buff as a college athlete might be, he looks great - especially when I compare him to myself with the extra baggage I put on in the past couple of years.

(No, he and I have never had sex; he's my best friend from high school and we only confessed to each other our wild and crazy sexual lifestyles a few years ago. He's also married with children and doing lots of bi stuff on the side, but unlike me, without his wife's blessing. Having sex with him would be like having it with my own brother if I had one.)

It was when I first became curious about man on man sex that I discovered how shallow many gay guys are when it comes to selecting a sex buddy. I'd hit up a gay chat channel on IRC and it didn't take long after I logged in for the private messages to start coming through, many as plainly supericial as a perfunctory, "Stats?" I learned soon enough that my "stats" were totally unacceptable to the kind of guy to whom they're important and just as quickly knew not even to bother replying. And, as Gary keeps attesting, it seems that many gay guys are way too skin deep in wanting only partners with perfect bodies. Frankly, it angers me. I'd think that by adulthood we'd all come to acknowledge that the person is more important than the package - that lumpy people enjoy sex just as much as the hard bodies - that a good time can be had with a hard cock no matter the kind of body to which it might be attached.

Though I'm not necessarily proud of my Michelin Man™ shape these days I sure as all hell don't let it define me and offer a spirited, "Fuck you!" to anyone who might think any less of me for having it. Stats? Yeah. I look like the Goodyear Blimp standing upright with a hot dog sticking out the side. If that matters to you, grow the fuck up!
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