Sunday, August 20, 2006

Let There Be Piece on Earth

Each week I shake my head at the apparent irony when at Sunday Mass Paris Hilton's clone makes her entrance. It doesn't help that she's often a lector as well - a member of the congregation who comes forward at the appropriate times to read from the Scripture. The woman has an amazing body of the kind hyped as perfection by Hefner, et al. Tits just the right size to look bountiful in proportion to the rest of her tiny frame. Hips that curve in the perfect places with the exact section of the Bezier curve that hips are supposed to match. Legs that even the hottest "Leg Show" model would trade hers in to have. Clothes that accentuate her physical features as if by ordained design, and with a sultry swagger in her strut that tells you she knows exactly how good she looks. She's the kind of woman who would only be attracted to a guy who looks too gay to be straight.

The irony comes in the form of that line by Jesus, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." [Matthew 5:27-28]

There we are in church with this babe of a woman strutting her stuff in front of us with every last straight guy in the building thinking, If only I could have a shot at that! and we're not supposed to lust in our hearts for a piece of it?

Nope, the Almighty's sense of humor is not as clearly evident in His creation of the camel or any other other unfortunate, funny looking quadruped as might be suggested by some dumb piece of e-mail that old ladies send back and forth to each other. It's in His giving us these dicks with their mighty urges and then tossing us the rulebook for their use.

All in all, I know it would be a lot easier to focus on the worship at Mass if all the women were dressed like nuns. Old nuns. With hairy warts.


N.B. I also lust after just about every other woman in the congregation on a typical Sunday, especially the middle aged MILFs. I'm writing about the P.H. clone in particular here because she's the most obvious kind of woman that most guys would look at the way I look at just about all of them.
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4 comments:

Mac said...

Oh, yes, I know exactly what you mean. We use to have a (Mrs.) America in our church. Yes, there is or was a MRS. America contest. She was blessed or cursed with all the things you said. Stunningly beautiful with the body of a goddess. Totally impossible to keep your thoughts from between her legs. Amazing, isn't it?

Sir Dirty Joke said...

Wow!

NotSoNormal said...

Great post....I know EXACTLY what you mean, on all counts.

NSN

S.P. said...

Yes, the "hot parishioner" is an enjoyable, yet maddeningly frustrating distraction... On the other hand, it's also fun to just look at the people sitting around you and wonder, "Do they play?" "Is he/she bisexual?" "Did they have sex this morning before heading to church, like we did?"

Better yet, take Mike or Don to church with you, and sit with Dee in the middle...

SP