Perpetually Peter Pan

I'm a year older than Anthony LaPaglia, yet whenever I watch Without A Trace I see in his lead character a man at least 20 years older than myself. In spite of my gray, my wrinkles, my aches and pains, moans and groans, not to mention a full erection that doesn't quite point skyward any more, I don't see myself as being much older than I was when I graduated from high school. I experience significant cognitive dissonance in trying to reconcile my chronological age with my self perception. I still see myself as a boy. I feel like a boy, not in my joints, and not in the mirror, but inside where the part of me that defines myself lives.

I'm still whimsical, impetuous, and prone to do things that seem funny at the time but require profuse "I don't know what I was thinking" apologies afterwards. I'm still lazy and given to bouts of irresponsibility (at home - never at work). And, one would think that by the time a guy is close to the half century mark his cock would take on maybe a little less importance than it had when he was 14. Not so with me, quite obviously as I continue to build this online shrine to my rampant sexuality in all its glorious manifestations.

I think my generation as a whole is like me in being less grown up than our forebears were in their 40s. Our parents, it seemed, were rigid, pole up the ass adults since the days they were born. I can't remember my mom or dad ever doing anything "stupid" just for the fun of it - anything impulsive, irresponsible, rash, childish. And, sadly, I can't call to mind a single instance of either of them ever seeming to have any real fun in doing anything except for maybe playing with my kids, but even then totally in the role of responsible adult.

I don't mind being like this; it's the only me I know. But, every now and then, I do wonder when I'm going to grow up, and if I'll like being me half as much then as I do right now.



Though I'm not going to put out an eye if I get
a full erection and look down fast, the old cock
and I still have a lot of fun being kids together.
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