Sunday, May 22, 2005

Musing: Out of the Depths

It has been argued philosophically through the ages that evil exists because without it we could never experience the fullness of that which is good - that without pain, pleasure would be less sweet - that without the dark, we would not relish the light. I have never believed that an opposite is necessary to appreciate fully that which we have, but I do believe that that which is less pleasant can cause us to enjoy more fully its converse. So it is with my hot wife Dee's sexuality; having known it at its worst makes her best exhilarating to me.

I will not elaborate the causal factors here because I have written of this too many times in the past to rehash it all, but for 16 of our nearly 22 years of marriage, Dee not only had no use for sex, but she hated it outright. (I suppose if this blog takes off in popularity I will eventually retell the whole story in this regard.) What was supposed to be the ultimate expression of our love for each other became the primary source of angst between us. In short, I wanted sex all the time in Dee's perception, and she wanted it never, in mine. When we did take to the bed, she made it painfully obvious that she did not want to be there. Her face would at best be expressionless - at worst showing genuine signs of annoyance and inpatience. Though she allowed me to use her body perhaps half as often as I'd liked to have made love to her, she was never there with me in spirit, and after our sex I'd come back downstairs after tucking her into bed feeling dejected, saddened, and depressed. I wasn't just upset at Dee's attitude about it all; in part I hated myself for forcing Dee to have sex with me, knowing as well as I did that she wanted no part of it. Sixteen years. Sex maybe every two weeks or so at the worst. I never resigned myself to how things were. Every time a tiny spark of hope remained that this time might be different, but every time I felt just as empty as the time before.

Ever since my sister's best friend took me into her mouth when we were in our early teens I loved having my cock sucked. Even more than when we fucked, I felt much affection expressed whenever she opened wide and put me into her mouth as deep as she dared. I don't know - my "dirty" cock going into her sweet little mouth - it just did something to me. It was, then, with much disappointment when Dee and I started playing with each other sexually that she told me that she didn't give head. She would lick my cock from time to time, and even make me cum on occasion by running her lips up and down my shaft, but she'd never engulf my dick. I remember one particularly huge fight we had years later when I begged her to lick my balls while I stroked myself to climax. She adamantly refused to do it without even the courtesy of an explanation.

All of that last paragraph sets the stage for now - now that Dee takes lovers and does just about everything with them that she'd refused to do with me for years. (She also does the same things with me now too.) After 137 extramarital experiences as of this writing, it still grabs me when I watch Dee eagerly take off a man's pants and slip to her knees. As with all of the particularly hot moments in an evening of "hot wifing" time seems to stand still when I see Dee open her lips wide to take her lovers cock into her warm mouth, or I watch her lift his swelling dick out of the way so she can lap at his balls. I truly doubt that I'd enjoy it all as much as I do if not for the many years that Dee wasn't a cocksucker. It continues to drive me crazy when Dee licks and sucks a man's nuts and rubs her thumb on the "sweet spot" of his dick till he's dripping precum and is as hard as steel with desire for her. I'm sure that some of the excitement when I'm watching Dee working a man's dick over with her lips and tongue is knowing that she's doing it to make him rock hard so he can give her a long, intense fucking. It's especially true when a guy has already cum in Dee once and she's licking and sucking him intent on getting him stiff to fuck her again. It drives me wild seeing my sweetheart so into sex - so into getting fucked and cumming unabashedly on her lovers' stiff dicks as often as they can bring her to orgasm. I believe that the excitement level for me runs high precisely because I've seen the sad side of Dee - the side that deprived herself of so much pleasure for all those years. The contrast is amazing, and it fuels my passion.

At her worst during the bad years, Dee would do her best to get out of intercourse as often as she could. There were many times that she would anticipate me asking for sex and offer me "buns" before I could ask to make love. Buns meant that Dee would lie face down on the bed with her legs together; I'd lube her ass crack, usually with saliva, then hump between her buns until I came on the small of her back and between her cheeks. For Dee this was the perfect non-participating role. She didn't really need to do anything but lie there. She didn't have to open her eyes and look at me because her head was to the side. Worst of all, there was no pretense of me giving her any kind of pleasure in what I was doing.

Now, as soon as Dee gets a cock hard she's on her back, up on her knees, or guiding her lover to his back so she can mount him. That she wants his excited dick inside her, and how good it feels to her to have it there is patently obvious. Even if a guy cums rather quickly, Dee often has two or three strong orgasms before her lover fills her pussy with hot cream. Most exciting, perhaps, is seeing Dee eager to take a lover's dick in her ass and watching her cum repeatedly while he fucks her tight little asshole. Her climaxes are maddeningly intense to witness and one can only imagine the amount of pleasure coursing through her as her guy's cock drills her between her soft buns. Once more, the contrast between the old days when the mere mention of anal sex would have Dee looking at me like I was crazy, and the present where she looks forward to being ass fucked is what seems to make it so good for me. I don't know if I'd still think it's so damned hot if it had been something Dee had always done.

In conclusion, if I were giving a chance to do it over again - court and marry Dee - and a choice to have it all happen the same way with the bad years in there all over again or not, I think I'd take the bad years again. I don't believe that my joy in being her husband now in middle age would be so wonderful if we hadn't endured together the bleak period and continued to love each other through it, though not as completely as we might have if not for lousy sex.


Ssugarlips said...

Great to see you started a blog with commentary. As you know, I've followed your pictures/stories on several different sites. The pictures are nice, but I enjoy the personal thoughts/details more than anything else.

Dee's Husband Joe said...

Glad you're enjoying it, Ssugarlips. I'll try to keep it as fresh as I can. I guess I stopped writing when it became frustrating that everybody expected an individual e-mail with all the details about everything. I just don't have the time nor energy for that and hope that what I'll put here will satisfy everybody's curiosities about things with us to a sufficient degree.