Is HNT for Fat Boys Too?

Since I was in the second grade I was the "chubby" kid - the kid who got whisked into the fat boy section of the clothing store as soon as my foot crossed the threshold, by some cheesy, bald little man with a tape measure around his neck who announced seemingly for the amusement of everybody in the store, "Oh, he must be into the husky sizes!" It was as if they had a scale under the doormat that caused bells and whistles to go off in the back where the obnoxious clerks with prickly heat rashes on the backs of their leathery necks waited for the poor slobs like me to be dragged into the store by their moms for some back to school shopping or just in need of new clothes (because we were ready to burst the buttons on the old ones).

I was the Son of Blob till the year before I met Dee. I went ape shit over a girl in college and became, literally, lovesick to the point of being nearly unable to eat, (sleep, think, etc.), for the better part of a year during which I lost over 70 pounds. I went from a 40-something waist to a neat size in the low 30's. I never did win the girl's heart, but that's okay because losing the weight paved the way for having the self confidence to go after Dee with both barrels blazing a year later when she appeared in my life.

Not long after we got married and Dee started cooking for me the the weight started creeping back on and within a few years I was back to being the same old slob I'd always been which I remained till about three years ago when a forced diet change once again began to melt the pounds off me. For a year or so I looked and felt great and ended up with a mostly new wardrobe, but then I got lazy and tired of maintaining the diet and started chunking back up. Quitting smoking made things even worse and I'm now at a lifetime weight high.

In a sense, I really don't give a rat's ass about how I look or how healthy I'm not. (Spare me the lectures; they'll fall on deaf ears - fat, deaf ears.) Dee loves me and that's all that really matters. Do I get tired hiking up a few sets of stairs? Yep. Do my knees ache like sons of bitches? Yep. Do I get to enjoy sex with a variety of fun playmates both female and male in spite of looking like Jerry Lewis on steroids? Yep.

But... Then there's you - the gang who actually comes here and finds me showing off my sorry ass and other Pillsbury Dough Boy parts on HNT. There's only so much one can do with a camera to hide the truth, and only so many pictures in the archives that one can get away with using. I just might get stripped of my HNT banner in the weeks ahead, so stock up now on what you can get of me!

(I love it when I crack myself up like that.)

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