Thursday, January 04, 2007

Marriage Zen: The Sound of One Hat Dropping

Pretty Peanut wrote in a recent blog entry, "I think he wanted June Cleaver, but in thigh highs and ready for sex at a drop of a hat."

Don't we all? Is it so wrong?

I'm not criticizing Peanut in particular; I love her and her husband NSN dearly, wish them all the best, and hope they can find solutions to the things that are causing them angst. It seems, though, that many women say of their husbands that they expect too much in the bedroom and don't do enough outside of it, and act as if the two are somehow related. They're not!

For whatever reason the good Lord chose, He created us guys with an overwhelming desire for sex. And, in His wisdom it seems He deemed it somehow good that most women not have sex at the forefront of their consciousness every second of the day. Dee is able to think about doing other important things like paying the bills, for example, whereas I'd have a guy knocking on the door to turn off the electricity and not leave the bedroom if Dee and I were meaningfully engaged.

God's either laughing at us guys while we try to balance our hunger for sex with trying to be sensitive and not pissing our wives off, or somewhere in His grand scheme of things there's a good reason for the discrepancy of desire between the genders (for the most part) that serves His plan well.

Husbands do want what Peanut suggested. We're hard wired for it.

Sex isn't supposed to be a guy's reward for being the kind of husband he's expected to be this week. It's something that men and women (husbands and wives per the status quo) are supposed to do because we're programmed to do it.

As I see it, we're all built with two basic, huge instincts - preservation of self and preservation of species. Nobody would criticize a guy for knocking himself out in trying to save his life if it were in danger. It's instinct. And I can imagine no supposedly loving spouse idly standing by watching him try to save himself and saying, "Know what, honey? Pick up your socks and I'll throw you this life preserver." Yet that other biggie - the act by which we preserve humanity itself - well, we're just supposed to pretend that that one isn't important? We're just supposed to be able to bat it down and keep it in check? We're supposed to have to jump through hoops, sit up, lie down, roll over, (Good boy!) to satisfy it? I don't think so. Squirting a load into your wife might not be a matter of life or death, but damn it! Sometimes it sure feels like it is, and I think only the very rare woman understands that.

All in all, I think Dee and I have the wonderful relationship we do now because of sex. It's not the other way around where the great sex is the product of the a priori good relationship. Happier in bed means happier all around - for both parties.

I think if any partner to a marriage finds himself thinking, No sex for her tonight. She didn't fold the clothes in the dryer, something's wrong. Very wrong. If Dee half eviscerated me and then asked for sex I do believe I'd accommodate her as best I could while waiting for the ambulance and holding as much of my intestines in places as I could manage.

Sex isn't a dog biscuit and it's not a rolled up newspaper either. It stands alone as something good in itself.

If your desire for sex is "off" don't blame your partner for wanting what he or she is designed to want. You're designed to want it too. Look inside yourself for the solution.

I don't know. Have I made a lucid point here? I'm not sure. I just know that I'm happy all around, that my marriage is great on all fronts because the sex I have with Dee is fantastic. I wish this for everybody.

Oh my! I must have dropped my hat. I wish this for every husband
out there - a wife as perfect and loving as June Cleaver who's
sporting those thigh highs and waiting for your hat to hit the floor.
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Pluff said...

Well said!

chuck said...

So True! I beleive this is what most guys are thinking but are to chicken shit to say because we don't want to be deprived of that biscuit.

Kitty's Tiger said...

I have to agree with chuck . I just got here to late to say it. Oh and by the way your hubby is one lucky son of a gun, what a pic. Now if I could only find the back button....give me a minute to bask in this awsome site....ok done now. thanks for your patience.

NotSoNormal said...

Great post.

Lovely picture... as always. Dee is quite the inviting woman.

spinningmia said...

You are a genius. I am a wife who doesn't deprive my husband of sex unless I'm seriously ill. I did a post about this a few months ago, I totally agree with you.

Kitty said...

you are right, sex is not a reward....for either side!

I love the pic of Dee! She looks so lickable!

MikeCindynJoe said...

Joe, you’ve nailed it! This is something that I have known for some time, but never said it aloud or put it into words, especially as well as you just did.

Fortunately, Cindy has been aware of this for several years causing her to invent her slogan, "Let no erection go unused", which she lives by and with no complaints from me.

(Just love those pics of Dee in the thi-highs! Day-yum!)