Saturday, February 17, 2007

Big Man on Campus

It's a late post today. We were out college shopping.

I must be getting less dirty minded in my old age because this was our first visit to a campus on their official "Come see us and listen to our smiling spiel and we know you're going to love us" day and it didn't dawn on me 'till we got there that an event like this would feature plenty of prime MILF. Oh mama! If I started banging all the thirty and forty-something eye candy I saw there today and did them one a day (like the vitamin, only better) I'd be sinking my dick in fresh trim clear through Lent.

I've claimed here and to myself for years that I never think about banging legal teens, but either I've been somewhat dishonest or I've reconsidered. Being in a large room full of 18 year old babes - I don't know - maybe it's pheremones or something else they secrete 'cause today some of 'em looked good. More than anything, I'm a sucker for a pretty face because I wasn't looking at these nubile nymphs and considering the tone of their bodies. It was simply a matter of seeing a pretty girl and thinking, "Yeah, I'd do her." (That no such girl in her right mind would do me is irrelevant.)

We went to the nearby mall after the campus tour, and I became self aware of that pretty face thing there too, but in the negative. There was a bunch of goth girls checking out ahead of us and it seems that every group of them has that one kid who looks like a member of some sub-species. The Neanderthal forehead with the wide eye spread combined with a sack of triple chins and a full set of jowls could make any guy shudder and duck for cover especially when you add in the nose and lip piercings. Now you have to feel sorry for anybody born with one of those hound dog faces, but I don't understand the piercings. What does that thought process in front of the mirror sound like? "If only I get some metal things stuck through the flesh of my face - then I'll be beautiful!" Sorry, kid. You need some plastic surgery. With a bull dozer. But first wash all that black shit off your face and take the fish hook out of your lip.

I rarely buy anything when we're at a mall and Dee and the kid(s) are hitting the clothes stores, but today I made an exception when I saw a book at which I'd taken a quick peek at our own mall but wouldn't buy here at home for fear of spoiling my choir boy image if I were spotted by anybody of note whilst standing in line to make my purchase behind some cupcake with a Dora the Explorer adventure in her chubby little hand. Yes, it was that promise of over 1,000 photographs that got to me, I confess. Does anybody ever really have enough dirty pictures? I don't think so. Besides, I have my three basic sex moves down pat and something from the Kama Sutra that makes two human forms resemble a misshapen pretzel would more likely result in a visit to the E.R. than to the ethereal halls of heavenly sexual bliss.

I'll let you know if I find anything that makes me raise an interested eyebrow rather than bellow a hearty chuckle.

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