Tuesday, March 13, 2007

"Sorry," My Ass!

Can an apology count in advance of the "offense" for which one is apologizing? I don't believe it can.

I was out shopping with Dee and college kid earlier and read a sign something to the effect of, "All sales are final. We regret that we can't accept returns or exchanges." Bullshit! If you have a policy which you regret, then you should either change the policy or give up the faux apology which is only there to try to make you look remorseful for causing an inconvenience that is to your advantage and for which you're not truly regretful at all.

After that we went to fill Dee's tank and there was another one. A sign reading, "Sorry, this pump is pre-pay or pay here with your credit card." Again, if you're saying that you're sorry, then you should either stop doing what you claim to be sorry for doing or take away the spurious apology.

Businesses do this all the time and their copy writers are assholes for it. Worse, they're shameless liars. It's not that a store can't accept exchanges or returns. It's that they won't. They're not sorry in the least because the policy is designed to work to their advantage.

Besides, I don't think any business has the right to write off bad service or inconvenience with a simple apology. If you accidentally bump into me while checking out the kumquats at the supermarket, an apology will suffice. If you brush against my arm while reaching for the creamer at the coffee shop, "Oh, I beg your pardon," will do nicely. But, if a dipshit clerk fucks up and costs me some gas money because I have to go back to a store to take care of a problem, something more substantial than mere words is necessary. A complimentary beverage will be graciously accepted regardless of what kind of business you operate.

If you own a business, shove your token apology up your ass if you don't mean it or if you're not prepared to put some money where your mouth is if an apology is warranted. I am fiercely loyal to businesses which serve me well, and those that don't - well - "Sorry!"

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4 comments:

this girl said...

Oh Joe, guess what? i thought of the PERFECT solution to the post from yesterday and it can be applied to feelings of frustration of the faux 'sorry' business.

Ready for my suggestion?

Here it is:

POST
MORE
HANDS
PICTURES.

See? Don't you feel better already? No? oh wait, yeah. that's me...ooops, my bad (but i'm not sorry! ::grin::)

hugs
this girl

Blissfully Wed said...

Businesses just can't seem to help themselves with those empty apologies.

This is not as ridiculous as the examples you mentioned, but I do see a lot of signs where renovations are being done that read: Pardon Our Progress.

Pardon our progress? Why should they even apologize for that? It's something good. It's progress. Ugh.

Thanks for sharing.

Alfie said...

Wow! I'll bet you're glad to get that off your chest! And talking of chests ....

Mac said...

I agaree wholeheartedly, Joe