What started out a few weeks ago as an invitation to Sarah for her to join us with Don when she's here visiting her mom next week has become my opportunity to feel with someone I love deeply as a friend all of those things I've envied Dee for feeling with Don and Mike for years now. I'm fairly consumed by these feelings that I can't begin to describe, not even to my closest friends. Dee knows what I'm feeling not because I've been able to put it into words for her, but because she knows how this feels, and she knows me - how deeply emotional I am and what this means to me.
When we were kids together in college I carried a torch for Sarah, but I was at a point when I was ready to settle down, marry, and start a family. I scared away a lot of girls because of that focus, Sarah included, but she's the only girl I wished could be "the one" back then who wasn't, but with whom I've continued a friendship that's still with us nearly 30 years later. A close friendship. One of those kinds where you can pick up no matter where you left off the last time you talked, and it feels like no time has passed by at all. One of those kinds where sometimes you can cry on the other's shoulder, or laugh like an idiot right along with her, and know that the other is feeling the same thing you are because there's just a "click" between you.
Besides Dee, my sister, and Sarah, there are no other women in my "real life" to whom I can open up my heart and soul in any kind of truly meaningful ways. This woman with whom I'll be making love next week is very special to me. I've secretly wished for this opportunity to be intimate with her for years now. Besides the whole sharing Dee story that I write about here all the time, this is the next biggest dream to come true for me. Another fantasy that I never would have believed might ever have had a chance of making the jump to reality.
I wrote not so long ago that I had no big fantasies left. I was wrong. I didn't mention this one because I didn't think it possible, and impossible fantasies I don't waste time on any more because of the miracles and delicious realities I've had the fortune to live out for five years now and which have been more than sufficient to keep me on top of the clouds. Maybe I should see if I've dismissed too soon some other possible miracles as being at best fairy tales. Then again, perhaps not. It's always better when the good fairy tales come true when you least expect that they might.
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