Thursday, September 29, 2005

Happy Where I Am

I was talking with a colleague this morning (whom I'd dearly love to fuck) and she made a passing comment about wishing she could go back in time. I remarked that I was happy right were I am and that I wouldn't turn back the clock if I could.

"Really?" she asked - genuinely surprised.

"Really!" I exclaimed, genuinely honest.

I'm living my dream. I'm the mayor of my own little Sex City and I have what I wanted all my life - hot sex and plenty of it. In the past three years, since Dee's sexual awakening began, I've come to know more about sex and the human beast than I'd ever have thought there is to know. I've learned that sex can be extremely good and very fulfilling, even in the absence of emotion, and I've learned that there is a very real connection between some sex and love - and that it can be expressed in various ways, to varying degrees, with various persons. I've learned that sex drives us in many ways and much more than most of us would want to admit - even in areas of our lives where sex isn't an overt consideration.

Most of all, I've learned not only to appreciate the amazing woman who is my wife, but how to see every day I spend and share with her as a most precious gift. I've learned not to take her for granted. And of all the things I've learned in my life, I believe that to have been the most important lesson.

I imagine sometime this evening a point at which Mike and Dee and I will be making love when I'll whisper to her, "I love you!" She'll repeat it back to me, and it'll be one of those amazing moments in which I realize most fully that no - I don't want to go back in time. I just don't want now ever to end. It's too crazy - but so perfect. I'm happy where I am.
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