Ever since I first heard the word "penis" said aloud, though I don't remember when that might have been, I've nearly cracked up each and every time I've heard it, the most recent time rolling off the lips of a drop dead gorgeous female urologist on Dr. Drew's late night sex show somewhere in cableland. There's just something hilarious about PENIS - like a long, slow, knock-you-over fart being performed with utter audacity in the center aisle of a Radio Shack full of customers. Doesn't matter who says it. Doesn't matter in what context - even the most serious. PENIS is always worth a snicker and a few chuckles - unless it's really late and I've imbibed some alchohol in which case it's an absolute scream that leaves my sides hurting when I'm done laughing.
I probably still have somewhere in my big ol' porno drawer downstairs a tape on which Sharon Mitchell stips in front of the camera while talking filthy the whole time. At one point she's rubbing and fingering her gorgeous cunt silly while asking the viewer rhetorically what he calls his dick, suggesting the more common terms like cock, fuck pole, schlong, and so on. Then she sneers and with a tone of disgust says, "I hope you don't call it your PENIS. It sounds so - clinical." Damn, I hope there isn't a guy alive who's ever actually said to a lover, "Suck my PENIS!" Then again, I wish too much because I can just hear my pocket pencil protector sporting nephew saying just that, and asking his nerdy date to lick his "scrotum" as well.
I prefer "COCK" personally - in my vocabulary (and on occasion in my mouth). That single syllable is almost naturally punctuated with an exclamation point - like it means business. It's right there. In your face. COCK! Just like Yahoo!, it should have that ! tagged right onto it. Suck my COCK! Sit on my COCK! Let me stuff my COCK! up your ass! Pick those little bits of dried tissue off my COCK! that got glued there when I was jerking off this morning. "Dick" is nice too and works just as well as COCK! with its spartan functionality. Just about anything but PENIS will do nicely, thank you.
Hmmm. Seems from the telltale gurgles that those beans are nicely percolated now, and I'm feeling rather audacious. Anybody else up for a trip to Radio Shack?