Thank you, Darkneuro, for that sentence.
A month ago I was taken to task by a friend for my need to show off our sexuality online. To show pictures of Dee with her lovers. To tell our stories. I take things deeply to heart and that talking down was as major a thing as has happened to me in the past four years. Since that disastrous day I've felt half empty - torn between trying to maintain worthy status in my friend's eyes and my need - yes, NEED, to do the things I do on the 'net. To talk about sharing Dee. To show her pleasuring our friends.
I don't understand the need in me to do this, but I acknowledge its hold on me. It uplifts me in a most unique way. It gives me something good that's otherwise unattainable. Is it so wrong of me to want something that feels so remarkable even if I can't explain it? I don't know that I'll ever have back what I had before the criticism bit me because now with every telling - with every showing I half beat myself up for expressing what I feel though I think I might burst at times if I didn't.
So, thank you, dear Darkneuro, for the comfort of knowing that I'm not alone or so crazy in having this unusual need related to showcasing Dee and me and the experiences we enjoy. For helping me to acknowledge the compulsion within myself to do so, and with a little less of the sting I've been feeling for having and acting upon that need.
I don't understand my need to show Dee like this with a lover,
but it gives me something good that I can't get otherwise.
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