I remember all too well how empty I felt afterwards, even before the last jet of cum sprayed from the tip of my cock into my wife's warm middle. There'd be no after glow - no lying there wrapped in each other's arms savoring the closeness and holding onto the delicious feelings of satiety. Dee would jump up, yank on her panties, slip on her nightshirt and go to bed after a token peck of a kiss. Because she always went to bed (Still does.) at least an hour earlier than I, I'd come back downstairs feeling like I'd just done something wrong, and cursing myself for not being able to do without the sex with Dee - for not having the strength to wait a few more days before "bothering" her about it. I'm sure that Dee felt as bad as I did afterwards - like she'd been used rather than loved by the one person who was supposed to love her more than anybody else. It probably even added to Dee's general depression which was the unknown reason for our woes in the bedroom and outside of it as well.
Every time Dee's not feeling well I worry that we're headed back to that. When she's in pain, that vacant sign is up in her eyes at times. She tries to hide it, unlike in the bad days when she wore the annoyance overtly as we were performing the charade of making love, but I know her well enough to see it no matter how thinly veiled it is.
Dee's hip joint has been painful for the past month or so and the chronic ache is getting to her. When I see her wince in bed, it subtracts something from the intimate equation. I love her so much for giving it her best shot, and except for the pain I know she wants to be there with me, but it's too much a reminder of those 19 awful years when I see her discomfort.
And so I wonder again sometimes - am I supposed to love her enough not to want sex with her? Does it make sense to think like that or is it the utter contradiction that it seems to be?
A shot from the bad old days when Dee would pose nude for me
so I'd jerk off to the pics and leave her alone. She looks like
this when she's in pain. I can't blame her, but I miss the
real Dee who now loves sex and sometimes can't get enough.
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