Monday, December 11, 2006

It's Christmas?

Dee was asking me for a list of things I might want for Christmas since before Halloween, I think, and I couldn't really come up with a single thing to ask her to get me. I miss the childish joy of Christmas that I had when I was little and the whole season was so magical beyond even the presents, and I miss in a strange way the misguided joy of Christmas that I enjoyed until a few years ago when I somewhat Grinchily awaited ripping open the packages to sate my materialistic greed. I miss the simple, unique beauty of Christmas because for the past four and a half years I've pretty much been living in a magical place every day and there isn't a thing that Christmas can add to the sense of joy that I feel all the time in loving and in being loved by my soul mate.

Dee's "coming back to me" is the only thing I really wanted for so many years. It was the thing for which I prayed most earnestly. It was the thing I could never ask for in words all those years when Dee would ask me what I wanted for Christmas. How could I have said, "You. What I really want is you as you were when we fell in love - before the kids were born - before your mom died," when all saying so would have done was segue into a fight?

I have it all right now. It hardly seems worth the effort to put up the lights and the tree and all the other trappings of the season because they can add nothing to me. I feel as if I live in one of those Thomas Kinkade paintings, bathed in light and perpetually sipping on a hot cup of tea which never runs empty. I might have all my clothes off, and my nude wife might be stepping into another man's arms for the evening, but that's a wonderful thing. All is calm. Christmas is all around me all of the time, while December 25th comes and goes. All is bright.


The only Santa I need.
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3 comments:

MikeCindynJoe said...

Glad to hear of your serene outlook, especially at this time of year.

OMG... those thi-highs!

{milla} said...

Fuck they're hot stockings, i just bought a similar pair, hope they look as good! Are they the ones with the cute lil sticky strips?

KYCM said...

Thanks my new blog friends!I just received a wonderful present when I opened my mail today. :)))))))))
Thanks for all....You two are wonderful!!!!

KYCM - Short Fan