I'll regret till my dying day that I didn't love her then. We basically used each other for sex - for the faux emotional closeness it seemed to give us. We both knew that then and didn't expect anything more of each other than that, but in retrospect, if I could do it all again, I'd treat her like a queen and do it all properly, maybe in one of those fancy rooms in the Poconos. Maybe I'd hold her close afterwards and whisper things I'd not mean, because they'd seem like the right things to say when somebody gives you something so precious that it can only be given once in a lifetime.
I'd love to make love to her, in the true sense, even one time before I go to sleep for the last time. It'll likely never happen, but I'd like it to if for no other reason than to relieve myself of the burden of "guilt" I feel for having used her at all. She deserved better for her first time. I probably did too. If she ever thinks of me at all, I hope she does so fondly and without regret. I think of her often, and wish for her all the best.
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