April 18, 1976 - Unforgettable

Thirty-one years ago today, at age 18, I gave my virginity to "M," my sister's best friend - the girl with whom I came of age in most things sexual. It was a hurried thing, on the toilet in my parents' bathroom of all places, with me sitting and her straddling me. It was the first time we French kissed, though we'd kissed a lot before that with just our lips. As soon as M put me to her opening and then slid down onto me our mouths came together and opened, and our tongues started exploring. It near blew me away to have my cock and my tongue both inside her body at the same time, for the first time.

I'll regret till my dying day that I didn't love her then. We basically used each other for sex - for the faux emotional closeness it seemed to give us. We both knew that then and didn't expect anything more of each other than that, but in retrospect, if I could do it all again, I'd treat her like a queen and do it all properly, maybe in one of those fancy rooms in the Poconos. Maybe I'd hold her close afterwards and whisper things I'd not mean, because they'd seem like the right things to say when somebody gives you something so precious that it can only be given once in a lifetime.

I'd love to make love to her, in the true sense, even one time before I go to sleep for the last time. It'll likely never happen, but I'd like it to if for no other reason than to relieve myself of the burden of "guilt" I feel for having used her at all. She deserved better for her first time. I probably did too. If she ever thinks of me at all, I hope she does so fondly and without regret. I think of her often, and wish for her all the best.

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